Each person is given their own set of circumstances, habits, desires and reserves of strength. We react differently, carry burdens uniquely, and look at the world with a perspective solely ours. Commonalities are prevalent, sure, but at the most fundamental layer of our composition, each person is one of a kind. While I'd rather report that I am impervious to the feelings of longing, uncertainty or envy, it is not so. The questions abound...
“Did I make you proud?
Are my thighs too big?
Why don’t we hold hands like they do?
If only I had ...
I shouldn’t eat this cookie, but I want to eat this cookie. What will she think if I eat this cookie?
Why have we lost touch?
What’s the point of it all?”
The pattern is seemingly endless, the mind a powerful engine that will not stop revving. Falling deeply, unchecked and alone with our thoughts we churn. Speaking of churning, now I want ice cream. Maybe later, first let me get this out. Over time I have realized that comparing is futile and there are no absolutes. It's never apples to apples. People aren't fruit.
Maybe the ruminating is a bi-product of struggling with a compulsive need for evenness, and there looks to be so little today. But whether a prince or a pauper and despite the stark gaps in culture, each is only counted once by the Census Bureau. A sobering fact for any who ever thought his or her life was worth more than the next.
Each day I make a vow to try, yes try, to never fixate on what is lacking so much so that I overlook the grace that is already around me, in abundance. My hands are not your hands. Happiness and self worth for me does not detract from the happiness and worth of another. I look at it like a pie - and there are plenty of slices to go around.
Oh wait, did you say pie?
To prepare, fix your homemade crust or use a favorite pre-made variation. My utmost favorite is this recipe from Sweet Paul Magazine. It comes together effortlessly in a stand mixer. The apple filling is made of 3 Granny Smith apples, chopped to a small dice. Toss with 1 tablespoon fresh squeezed lemon juice, and cinnamon and sugar to taste. Nanny never measures. She says you have to feel it. So feel and taste, feel and taste. Cook your apples along with1/2 teaspoon vanilla and two tablespoons of water over medium heat, stirring often until tender. The consistency should be comparable to a chunky apple sauce.
Meanwhile, crisp up some chopped bacon in a skillet. Once desired crispiness, remove to a paper towel to drain excess fat. Let apples and bacon cool while you roll out your dough. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Roll out the dough to 1/8 inch thick on a floured surface. Cut into desired shapes; here I used 2 by 2 squares. Arrange equal sized bottoms and tops on a baking sheet lined with parchment. Spoon a teaspoon of apple filling onto the center of your bottom. Seal the pie with a rub of water around the edges. Crimp with a fork. Coat the top of each pie with a light coating of egg wash. Bake for 20 minutes or until golden.
Once cool, dip each pie into glaze made of 3/4 cup confectioner's sugar and 1 tablespoon liquid. I've used milk, but lemon juice works as well. Top with crisped bacon bits.