In 2019 I turned 30! Gosh was this year full. As is my annual custom, I’ve enjoyed distilling a little of what I took away this past year.
I learned that oftentimes the best thing to do in any given situation is nothing. We are too reactive. Period. Take a breath, people. Take a breath, Francesca.
I learned that God’s plan is my plan. His timing is my timing. I can long for something with all my being and it may still be delayed. I will trust in him.
I learned I have been running in circles, bending over backwards, seeking approval. I was seeking approval as a child, as a high school student, as a Hoya on Capitol Hill, and as an employee. I still fall into my old patterns of conforming to others’ needs rather than being present to my truth. But I am aware now that approval would be nice, of course, but I don’t need it.
I learned that the internet and media breeds toxicity but only if we allow it.
I learned that once you acknowledge your shame…You speak the words that haunt you…You identify with that which threatens to undo you, you are free.
I learned when in doubt, respond with more love.
I learned that I can drive, and drive far. Solo trips for work all around the metropolitan area gave me a sliver of peace I hadn’t known I needed in the unlikeliest of scenarios.
I learned about rational emotive behavior therapy and it has given me such solace. I can never thank Erin enough in her infinite wisdom for seeing in me a young lady who was struggling.
I learned all that glitters isn’t gold. It’s all a farce. We are all playing pretend.
I learned that I am a powerhouse. I can do what I thought I couldn’t. I can survive discomfort, I can advocate, I can deliver, and I can do it with grace or show teeth if need be.
I learned that the future is language thanks to a fish and a bird.
As I held him in my hands and gently cleaned him, I was reminded of the circle of our lives. It was unexpected and abrupt, but oddly comforting to bear witness to. Vulnerable we are born and to vulnerability we will return. We have to take care of one another.
I learned that nothing even remotely worth having comes easily. And our true growth is in the wake of adversity. When you are on your knees with no other options, that’s when the miracle arrives. Not a minute before.
I’ve met some remarkable women this past year, and I’ve learned a multitude from each of them. I’ve learned that anything is possible with your tribe.
I learned that we need not shun our unsavory emotions; there is a place for every crayon in the box. Our humanness is pretty freaking colorful.
I learned that we have stories in our head that aren’t always indicative of the truth. Dare to question those stories.
My husband, God love him, taught me more than I can relay here. Every day another dimension of him is revealed and I am in awe.
I learned that I’m still afraid and I’m not even sure of what sometimes, but on the other side of fear is a beautiful place called life.