I’ve taken to writing a reflection on the lessons learned each year, and my oh my were these last 365 packed with new found realizations. It’d likely be easier to reflect on what I did not learn in 2020, but for the sake of tradition, here it goes…
I learned that everyone grieves differently and in their own time. Some will scream while others quietly go forth. Some cling to anger, while others cry in sorrow. I learned that we never really know the fullness of the impact one person has on a family, or on a community, until we are forced to go on without that loving presence. I learned that strength behaves differently from person to person too. It doesn't matter how you find a way forward, as long as you commit to the road towards healing.
The dollhouse Papa made me.
I learned that fear of the worst case scenario is often worse than the happening itself. The constant looming of catastrophes we build in our minds can never be tended to, but when the shit actually hits the fan, we put on gloves and start to clean up the mess. We pull ourselves off the floor, we reach out for a hand to hold, and we assess what needs to be done.
I learned to not place an immense amount of faith in institutions. As a culture, we tend to rely on constructs greater than ourselves, but in a year filled with such sorrow and dismay the most formidable source of strength and solace that I experienced was never man-made. We are so beyond fallible individually, that collectively the hypocrisy soars to new heights.
I deepened connections with some of my friends through long conversations over coffee in our pajamas. I found that family is a beautiful gift, but friends are a remarkable fount of unbiased advice, comfort, wisdom, and warmth. I learned how beautiful it is to be seen in your entirety and to be loved despite your flaws.
There were so many zooms, naps on the hammock, bubble baths, and bottles of red wine! I reaffirmed my love of small joys.
I learned that listening to a loved one’s voice wither over the phone, day to day, without being able to ease their pain is so very cruel, but mercy and salvation still win out. I know that vulnerability is strength and that love is eternal.
Nana and Papa: 65 years of marriage <3
I got reacquainted with my faith. I lost hope, and found it again. I steered clear of church and then went back.
I learned that two people can buy a home and then lose basically all of their income, and still find a way to the other side of it. I learned I’m above no job or task. Give me garbage to take out, boxes to pack, and errands to run. And to be quite frank, some of the more menial of tasks have given me the greatest sense of pride. Be it making 12 dollars in tips doing something that to me really matters in a tiny coffee shop, or clearing out a queue of orders for a friend that is living her dream and supporting her family.
I found peace in animals and nature. Our tiny patch of land in the backyard provided me such solace from the kitties that were born there and the deer that come to rest their bodies, to the cardinals that I know are my grandfather flying down for a visit.
We welcomed Anza into our home and found homes for two of her babies. I don’t recommend leaving a live trap out overnight though; raccoons are no joke!
Anza, mama cat
Lupo Pickle, baby cat
I learned how to steam milk, the difference between a latte and a macchiato, and where Americano’s came from. I drank a lot of espresso be it lovingly made by my dear friend Rossella or her mamma Angela, or at my sanctuary Ethan & the Bean. I learned how to make cuccidati and a pumpkin roll that didn't break! I made a lot of stuff out of twine and sent so much mail.
I learned a multitude from my colleagues with intellectual disabilities and confronted some of my own ableism in the process.
We said goodbye too many times this year. But with every goodbye, we found a hello that helped to dull the sting.
Papa and Maggie; our angels looking down.
I learned that identity politics will tear us all asunder and breed division. That intolerance and fear mongering happen on both sides of the aisle, and political parties are wrought with absurdities. I learned to value my rugged individualism and really question what I believe. I found some emerging voices and new perspectives that I have come to value thanks to doom scrolling on Twitter.
I learned that home is a beautiful place to be for some, but not everyone. And that assumptions can wreak havoc if not investigated.
I learned a lot about the ego from Eckhart Tolle and highly recommend his books, especially A New Earth. I re-read a Return to Love.
I learned that forgiveness is possible. That good fights yield better results then passive aggression, dormant resentment, and avoidance. I learned that families can have a second chance at being together.
I learned that relationships don’t end when someone we love leaves this earth; they merely change. I learned that suffering can be a gift because it reminds us to take a minute with the people we love, to put down the phone and the camera, to savor a bagel, linger for a hug, and enjoy the view even if it’s from a hospital window.
Our new baby sister, Gia!